The old man and Mary

Last Saturday my friends and I had a "going away" get-together for our dear Korean comrade, Chris. He is a Korean-American, his parents immigrants to Florida, but his grandmother and extended family still living in Seoul. Not sure if it's his mix of cultures, but he is one the goofier Koreans I've met. It was sad to see him depart, but I suppose that's what we're doing here, coming and going.

Every fall and spring there are waves of us foreigners entering Korea. Some in search of adventure, others in search of culture, some in need of change and still the few in search of love. Whatever the reason, they come in hoards.

Ironically, and however much they try to break the barrier, most foreigners tend to stick together; a non-military band of brothers so to say. Thus, their reasons for pursuing a life abroad can be quickly forgotten once loneliness has set in and their need for familiarity overcomes them.

Don't misunderstand me, I think it is purdanent for foreigners to group together. It's a basic human need. And that's what my group of friends has offered me. I am thankful for them, just as I think they are thankful for me. The one problem, however far off, is that of the 'going'. We all come, we bond, but then just as soon as we get comfortable we need to leave. Writing this I feel reminded of Mary Poppins and the crazy man who laughs and laughs so much that he is stuck floating in the rafters. The more the better and eventually they have a tea party of laughter and good times. Yet, just as soon as the party has started it's ended. People have to go home.

That is the reminder my friend Chris has given me. It's not as depressing as I've just made it sound. It's just a fact. A fact I've come to realize and will need to over and over again throughout this next year. Of course, in a way it makes me sad to think about departures, but in another way it makes me cherish their current presence ever more.

I am very happy to have met Chris, but he has said he'll come back in January. The other crew members have all signed up for another year, as have I. So I'm obviously jumping the gun with this blog. I guess I just wanted to write this as a reminder for myself in these next months. I'm quite excited to go home, but with these friends here, there is a life here for me, some roots for me.

The other day I was staring at the map in my classroom, trying to envision the space that divided me from home. Six months ago that gap felt as far as it is, six thousand and some miles of earth, water and sea. Now it's something different, something smaller. I felt the hold of the earth on my feet for the first time in Korea. I felt the roots of the life I'm making here, and admittedly it scared me. I did not expect myself to find such exceedingly amazing people a half a world away. They have become my roots here, and they are growing stronger, larger. I'm afraid for them to break off in the next year, but know just as with people I've met back home, that the breaks are never permanent. In fact, I don't think I could call them breaks at all. They are more like stretching limbs. It may hurt at first, but eventually the pain dulls to a soft yearning to be closer. It's not forever, so you endure it, you suffer in hope with a consolation of love. And I think that's the point of meeting new and amazing people. It's a race of endurance, a test of will. Either open yourself to the possibility of loving them and someday being without them, or never give yourself the chance to feel love nor its eventual absence.

As a great writer (I forget who) said: It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

This brings me back to my Mary Poppins example. If you can not tell, I loved the movie and even as a child read too much into it. I saw Mary as a prude and a show-off. I didn't like that she thought she was perfect, nor did I like that she seemed throw fits when things didn't go her way. In a way she reminded me more of a child than the old man laughing on the ceiling. Mary seemed to meet people then use them or teach them, but never learn from them herself. She seemed closed.

Through the old man I saw joy and laughter that can only be felt when still young and ignorant or when old and wise. He was near buddhist in the way he looked at the world. Everything is one and one is everything. He was happy when he felt happy, and was sad when he felt sad. There was no focus on perfection of appearance or formalities between people. He let the world touch his heart and thereby feel its repercussions, whatever they might be.

I'd like to think I've learned to be a bit of both. Mary can help protect me from the crazies, and the old man can help me to embrace the new and live in the now. Funnily, I can look at the departures of friends with the same lukewarm disposition Mary and the old man create when together. I'm sad, but accepting. Whatever happens, happens. I will always love my life here, and the people. Just the same as I regard home and my good 'ole' friends, I will miss them, remember them, long for them and hope to return to their presence with the consolation of love.

A Korean Halloween?

Today I was given the chance to introduce one of my favorite holidays, that being Halloween naturally! I have always loved the holiday and have always, always, always dressed-up for it! So, my chance to actually introduce it to eager, open ears was all too exciting! (For a weirdo like me, at least.) Oh, and to make it all the better, the class was third grade! They are ridiculously adorable, and hold way too much power over me... Such as I'd give them my kidney if they asked me. Their tiny Korean eyes all glistening with anticipation, their miniature fingers clinging on to their chair backs as they turn to eye me, they kick their legs as they try to listen to Jenna Teacher explain the great American life. I'm such a sucker, and wasted so much time answering their questions. But hey- you'd have to be heartless to refuse!

I began by asking them if they knew what big holiday was in the month of October. I whispered "Halloween" with cupped hands, and a few of the better students perked up and shouted a high pitched, "HALLOWEEN!". "AH!!" the rest went. Many had heard of it, but only a couple knew what the whole shebang was about. So, I mentioned trick or treat, and mimed how kids knock on doors then ask for candy. (They know "candy".... go figure!) To my surprise, they had heard of 'trick-or-treat', which I thought was quite a long phrase for their eight year old brains. Yet, they chirped that too as I hopped around asking for candy.

Then, oh then, I got to discuss Halloween dress-up! Yay! My favorite part! They liked it too as I explained what 'dress-up' meant. "Costume!" "Yes, yes, costume! Very good!" (That girl had gone to English summer camp, where we had had a lesson on international holidays. And she's just so amazing that she remembered!) "Can you name any popular Halloween costumes?" Hm... I begin to make Oooooooo.... sounds and wave my hands in the air like a crazy spook. They begin to catch on and scream the Korean for ghost. I have no clue what they're saying, but my co steps in and graciously translates for me! Lol, yep, not for the kids, for me! I then say "yes! That's right! A ghost!" Then I begin to cackle from deep within my lungs, and take on the look of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction... eyes bugged, huge evil smile and hunched heaving shoulders. The students all scream the Korean for witch, and again my co translates. We go on and on like this for five minutes. We mastered Frankenstein, in which I channeled the oaf's slow, rigidly grotesque walk, then vampire as I pretended to bite a student, then mummy and zombie and monster. We filled the blackboard with Halloween characters... and filled my thoughts with ideas for the big event... muah hahahahahahaha!

In two weeks time the final day will come when all will heed to my, Jenna Teacher's will. My students must, I repeat, must follow my every instruction and do as I command! They must first make masks to cover those hideous human faces. Then, they must traverse the horrifying maze of a classroom to compete in a life or death bean bag show down. Whoever has the most points gets to chose the sacrifice! After that we have another competition, only it is more bloody! More gory! Each group must prepare their butt-wiping paper and wrap it around the sacrifice. If it is not adequate mummy wrapping, they lose! GAME OVER. Muahhahaha. Finally, for those who are still living, a worm and dirt filled sunday must be consumed. If not, swift and inglorious death! These are the words and vows of the great Jenna Teacher. Ye be prepared for her will! Muahahahahaha!

And... then we watch Goosebumps and rejoice in Jenna teacher's ominous power to be completely ridiculous. I can hardly wait! Once I have pictures from the party, I'll gladly post them... so that you can see the terrifying display as well. ^^ I should say, the party is not for another two weeks, yet I'm too elated to hold it in! I've been decorating the classroom all week. (And I have to say, it is looking pretty sweet and creepy!) So, until the final, apocalyptic day... happy tricking.... muahahahahaha I love Halloween :D

The Box

If there is one thing I can pass on to others about Korea, it is most definitely the idea of "The Box", a concept not made of paper nor plastic, nor is it technically intangible either. I cannot even claim its existence outside my own rendering of it. But, to me, it is my imagined Korea. And in that, I claim its intangible tangibility. The Box could be made out of the box like peninsula that literally IS Korea. Or, The Box could be made out of its square, writing system that no doubt resembles an obsession with structure in every aspect of life. I think the box is those things, but I also think it is more. I think The Box is their mind set, their episteme. It is the way they view the world and their lives in it. From fashion, to technology, to work and even play, they are consumed by the idea of The Box. Let me explain...

If it ain't in a box, don't touch it.

The Korean world of The Box:

It seems that Koreans are in a growth spurt. They were propelled into the twenty-first century globalizing world with only a thirty year history as a first world country. Thus, they HAVE everything of a first-world country and then some. But, the problem for them now is their culture. Unlike European countries, or America, Korea cannot assume other cultures in the blink of an eye. It is desperately still trying to hold on to its past in the face of globalization. It is finding it difficult to do so, and therefore is in a conundrum at present. Do they A) hold to their history as the 'hermit kingdom' and push out foreign competition? OR do they B) accept globalization and assimilate into the world vision, a cluster-fuck of world cultures, each single culture self-important but seen as nothing different by its peers. (Hence, lost among the many, unless a competitor in the rat race.) Korea has to choose between the two, but is prolonging their decision, and has been for the past thirty years. They attempt to join in the world economy and politics, but find themselves belittled all too quickly. They then shy away and tuck back into themselves. However, on other economic fronts they are completely merged; such as foreign franchises in Korea like McDonalds, Starbucks, Outback Steakhouse, Paris Baguette, Baskin Robbins, Books Libro, Holly's Coffee and etc., or Korean franchises outside Korea such as the Lotte conglomerate, the largest in Korea with exports to all Asian countries and the added USA, of course.

There is naturally a place for Korea in the world market, but the problem is the effects of that market on Korea. In other words, Korea has already chosen a side in the conundrum, and is now dealing with those effects. The younger generation is embracing gladly embracing the influx of fashion and technology, the excessive spending and focus on individualism, the everything that is America. Many who cling to this lifestyle move out of Korea or find their small niche in Seoul somewhere. Opposite the embracers are the old-schoolers, the creators of The Box, i.e. their view of how life as a Korean should be.

The old-schoolers see Korea as a dying culture if it embraces too much globalization. They are correct in this theory, Korean culture will die if they do not find a way to preserve it. But they not only preserve it, but live it, push for it, cling to it with their tiny Korean hands. They love their culture, which is great. They should be proud of it, it is extremely unique in its box-like qualities, and so is very intriguing to free-spirits like myself. I'm fascinated by the way the old-schoolers take an hour to prepare for a ten minute meeting (because they had to make sure it was structured perfectly... in the box). Or the way they all dress the same, from the same stores, in the same way, all in an attempt to 'fit in' with everybody else, yet still thinking all the while that they're really buying the clothes to be personally beautiful, and therefore 'stick out' among the rest. They don't. Even the most beautiful Korean women can blend into a crowd of short ballerina skirts and tucked-in T's, long hair with cropped bangs and high heels. If not dolled up like that, they are dressed like boys, in plaid button-ups, jeans and Chucks; sometimes a baseball cap is added as an accessory or to cover a bad hair day (not that they have those with their beautiful straight black locks). When in the boy style, I mistake them for just that, boys. Thus, their individuality here is not really individuality. Its more like a self-image in the round. They take on fashion as it comes as a group, and God help the lame ass who does not follow the flock.

I should say that this same group of old-schoolers accept the new, obviously. They look to fashion and technology for assistance just as the youngin's do. But, the overarching difference is their purpose. This group does not branch out farther than what is in front of them, nor from what has been told them since they were young; and that is to be Korean. When all is said and done, this group will still take an hour to plan a ten minute meeting. They will still not allow you into the theater for a minute to claim the jacket you left in the seats- though it will take them fifteen minutes to find someone to take over their ticket post, then another ten to find the jacket itself in the myriad of seat cushions. They do not understand anything outside The Box that is bureaucracy, that is culture, that is Korea.

Another of my friends calls The Box, Korean Logic. I concur, it is their logic that is skewed. They think that things must be done in a certain way for them to be adequately done. But their logic is their culture, its their history. They've been taught to think like this from birth. Always worrying about what others are thinking, and therefore afraid to step outside the box is not just their logic, it is their culture. They find themselves in a spinning cycle of fear, suppression, and depression, because they are always worried about their place in society and society's view of them. And thus, it is my theory that their box is the cause of their excessive suicide rate. They don't make it into the right college: kill thyself. They don't get the right job: kill thyself. They "lose face": kill thyself. Once the poor pussy boys finally have to join the army in their twenties, they cannot deal with The Box shrinkage, thus: kill thyself. (So many suicides in the Korean Army, makes me glad to not be a Korean male.)

It IS sad that their are so many Korean suicides, and I do not mean to make light of it. Yet, as a foreigner, I cannot help but be in awe at the way they view life, and how easy it is for them to want to kill themselves. I think I've ran in the opposite direction ever since I got here, making me freer than oxygen, and forcedly happy to be alive. To see people living in mental and social constraints like those that are in Korea, makes it a obligation for me or any foreigner to be happy just for the sake of being happy, because we can. We do not have to follow the culture, society or The Box. We can break barriers because we are expected to. In that I'm ever grateful to Korea for the eye-opening experience it has given me. It's people have been all too kind to me, and its structure all too sharing (in that it's given me a job, apartment and life to be happy in.) In all I have a great debt to the Korean Box. I have never been happier to know there is a definite box to break out of? Perhaps I am just a spunky anarchist at heart, but I think that may just be Korea's effect on the open-minded individual. Either your follow or you don't.

And as for my statement above: "If it ain't in the box, don't touch it." I think it explains itself, but in a simple segue to Korean culture: if it is not Korean and if it doesn't fit into Korean culture, then it has no place anywhere near it. I'm just lucky to 'fit in' it now. Yet, once all of Korea knows English, I'll be out and Korea will rule the world. Er... ahem, Korea will be a globalized power.

Okay- hope this was an adequate description of The Box. I find it extremely interesting, but still have yet to really pin-point it. What matters is that I know it exists, and in that I'll be happy... just to push it of course. Maybe in another year I'll have a better grasp!

Yours,

Weary Traveller

My school and kids

Thus far in my blogging I have covered many an adventure, but yet to have explained one major area in my Korean life. The one area being my school, my co-teacher and my kids! I have not written about them because I am perhaps so used to living with them that I've easily digressed into taking them for granted? Or maybe I've gotten tired of talking about them? Probably a bit of both, but more so the former as I love them dearly! They are my gargantuan rock in midst of the chaos that is Korea! The school itself and the other teachers are very sweet and shy. Some teachers hide from me because they're scared to speak English. Others are much more eager to practice their conversation skills and confront me whenever they get the chance. One might think this would be awkward or annoying, having to always speak in short, blunt sentences and talk about the weather. On the contrary, I have a great time with it and actually like talking with the pigeon English more than regular! (Though some breaks are needed! Sometimes desperately!) My co-teacher, Jin-hee, has greatly excelled at her English since I first arrived, and thus saves me from too much chopped up conversation with her translation. And, she not only saves me from awkwardness but facilitates nearly everything I do for school. Things such as paperwork and meetings elude me for I can neither write Korean nor understand it spoken. I couldn't even fill in a bubble worksheet on Korean vocabulary let alone do packet after packet of paperwork! This is where my shining, silvery panted co-teach rushes in with her sword-like pen waving valiantly. I duck and cover while she cleans out the unwanted scruff around me, much like a mother bird cares for her young? I know nothing of what happens until its all over, and I'm free to flit and fly around quite carelessly. I hop about the room saying my hellos to everyone and everything, then rush back to my nice nest of a cubicle to hide for a few hours. Honestly, I could not ask for a better job nor a better co-teach! No paperwork and a cool chick to see movies with? Talk about Korean guys with? Kill countless hours doing nothing at work with? I either was Ghandi in my past life, or I am terribly in debt to the universe because that is just my awesome co-teacher! I have not even mentioned the kids!

The kids are in one word: FANTASTIC. When I first arrived, I could not deny that I fell in love with their cute smiles and shy hellos. But now? Now it's grown into this all-encompassing, never-forgetting, happy rays of sunshine, love. Love everyday! They meet me in the hallways and chirp "Hello!!!" "Nice to meet you!" everyday and every time they see me. Meaning, they could have seen me a minute prior and still would scream "Hello!!!!" again just because they can. They're firstly entertained by their ability to communicate with a foreigner, but secondly (and I'm completely full of myself) they love me! :) And that love is, if not more so, reciprocated. We have class and I love them. We eat lunch and I love them. We meet on the street outside of school and I love them. They radiate all that is good in the world, and I'm the lucky bastard who gets to feel that everyday, all day.

Now, after having realized my luck and after having put it in perspective, I have taken on an entirely new outlook of where I want my life to be and to go. I don't think I can ever go back to school after this, that is most certain. I also don't think I could live in the states, or at least for that long (except for Alaska- I could vacation there!). But, like a person who has become used to steak and cake for dinner every night, I have grown accustomed to innocence and love, to silliness and energy. I could never again deny myself such happiness that I know exists within children and within myself. I am ruined, and damn happy to be. It's figuring out where to go from here, if I do go somewhere at all.

I've definitely decided to stay another year. There is no question in that. I may just stay for a third year as well, but that might be jumping the gun. I have given some thought to the Peace Corps, and have started to fill the application twice now. I think that if I could get an international teaching certificate, I could join their ranks with some know-how and help where is needed. I'd love to meet kids from other countries and to once again make a difference in another life. I'd love to travel more. I'd love to make it all career somehow. But this is where I lose focus and teeter on the edge of my future. I've never liked planning far ahead, and if anything I'm a spontaneous flake. Yet, I'd like to think my goals have narrowed, that I've grown up a bit and that I have more of a future planned now than I did six months ago. In fact, I'm certain of these improvements, and perhaps I'm also certain that I'll never grow up, nor settle down, nor ever truly be goal-oriented. Gah- the mind of an expat can be so confusing! The possibilities within one life are nearly infinite, just never really thought about because there is no time. I have too much time and therefore am rambling.

Anyways (best word in the dictionary), one thing is a fact: my kids, my co-teach and my school are some of the best things that have ever happened to me. I love them and I love Korea because they're in it. Below are some pics of us on an outing for summer English camp, and if I can find them- some pics of me teaching! Enjoy :D

My Korean co-teach with some of our lovelies at the entrance to Caribbean Bay (like the Dells).

Cute kids! ^^ This girl is so kind, though I need to help her more with her English!

Happy boys~ going swimming soon!!!

These two. Oh my! Their expressionless, ice cream sucking faces was just too priceless. They reminded me of the creepy twins in the movie, The Great Outdoors. Just a little less creepy, and a bit funny :)

The two cutie-clingons of summer camp. AKA Jenna's Groupies.

Soldier boy. I always solute my kids because a) the teacher yells at them so much that I make fun of their "station" as er..soldiers, and b) my dad taught me right!

Goofing around during summer camp. The dude putting bunny ears on me is actually not a kid, but a fellow English teacher that was hired as an extra for camp. I'd like to think we're all twelve here.

Line up soldiers! Knees high! Straighten those lines! What are you? Chinese?! ... This is our P.E. day a couple of months ago, but still can't get over their army-like routine.

Gifts from the students for Teacher's Day! Some wrote me letters, too. The younger ones writing Korean, but the older kids able to make a very sweet English version! So proud!!

More on the Alaskan journey...

This cute guy was my Alaskan boyfriend. I liked his britches.
One of the tour buses for Denali Park. Mom is walking back to our room to retrieve some things. Our room's window is right behind the bus. -Also, I think that if you didn't know it, this pic looks like it could have been taken forty years ago. Kind of shows how time has stood still in the great outdoors.
Mystic scene of Denali. This was taken from the bus window at the end of our tour. The fog had settled for the last couple hours of the journey.  Kind of a bugger not to see far, but also kind of foreboding. 
Pop gone fishin'. Just practicing casting here. 
The great fisherman's catch for the day. He was mighty perty!
The weirdest area of our journey. Random abandoned igloo stop. Perfect scene for a terrible horror flick. I'm thinking Saw X meets Urban Legend Redux. 
Ma, Pop and Alton in the beautiful Alaskan wilderness. Could not get over how beautiful the sky was. The perfect cerulean blue behind marshmallow clouds. Trees in every direction. And family close by. Honestly, there is nothing closer to perfection.
Hang glider enjoying the great weather. I was quite jealous of his juxtaposition!  Though, my place on the mountain was just as scenic, and perhaps a tad safer :)
One of the many beautiful flowers around our lodge. Couldn't stop myself from being the classic fool~ trying to capture the beauty of nature with a lens!
What is this monster? No, not Nessy's sister but perhaps a long lost relative. Was one of the many whales we saw on our AMAZING cruise!
The trains a changin'. Ma and Pa are on the one in the background. Alton and I played catch up with them for a while. Then I got on board a couple of stops down the road. Quite a neat experience, even if a bit pricey. 
Adventurers! Louis and Clark here are on the look out for wildlife. Just one of our many stops along to and from Denali National Park. 
Sunset on the last night. Another perfect sky for another perfect day.
Taken on the train ride. Amazingly turned out! Was going a tad fast for my poor camera, but this one stuck. I think it's another one that's historically passable.
What more to say other than perfection? I love nature (if you couldn't tell) and could not stop myself from yearning to stay and take in everything!  I think I shall have to go back someday, for I know of no other place with such untouched, pristine beauty. I was only there for a week, and quite quickly realized how amazing a place Alaska was, how much it has to offer.  It's mountain streams, beautiful flowers, ineffable scenery and the like is just its facade. It's just the backdrop for the mind to grow from. Like the simple friend you never tire of, Alaska welcomes the traveler with open arms and says "Here I am, enjoy life with me."  With a greeting such as that, it's difficult for any soul to say no, even the wild ones, the crazies and the heathens.  Anyone can enjoy themselves in Alaska if they only let go of stress first. Only if they open their arms as wide as the mountain's girth does the traveler truly take in his journey and thereby be taken in by the journey itself.  That is what Alaska offers, and that is why I loved it so.  

Alaska is also the last muse of writers like Emerson, London and Tolstoy, men I admire and feel kin to.  I couldn't help myself from dreaming of my own little cabin on the lake, away from all that is busy, with my own little desk and picture window overlooking the panorama. In a way, mocking my idols, but also finding innovation in their favorite muse. There I could write my stories about lands that never existed and of people I've met or dreamt up. I could dream about the loves that have changed little in the way of history, yet ones that were momentous all the same.  I could then take walks along the shore and think up plots and characters.  Reading my favorite books and baking chocolate chip cookies when I'm bored. Yikes, I'm such a romantic. But Alaska brings that out in people, or at least me. It's odd but I felt more at home there than anywhere I have ever travelled. I hope to someday have that cabin, but for now my memories and hopes of return will suffice.  Though I feel certain in saying that you may visit me at my cabin. Just send me a note through the post. :)